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Ronny Chieng Thinks Amazon Prime Is Too Slow | Netflix Is A Joke


– In America, never leave your house. (audience laughs) Land of the free and land
of never leaving your house. (audience laughs) No item too trivial. (audience laughs) No quantity too small (audience laughs) to be hand delivered into
your home like an emperor. (audience laughs)
Anything. Anything in the world that comes to mind. Any fleeting thought you have while drunk. Anything. (retches)
(audience laughs) I want one pen.
(audience laughs) I want one, I don’t want a
box. I want just one pen. I want it in a box with some plastic. Throw some napkins in there
(audience laughs) in another box in a bigger box. (audience laughs) 50 million boxes flying
across America at all times. The airspace above America
is just Amazon Prime. (microphone thuds)
(audience laughs) Packaging just knocking into each other like satellite debris. More, more Prime. Can’t get enough Prime here. (audience laughs)
You need it Prime. We need Prime harder, faster, stronger! (audience laughs)
Faster Prime. Prime Now!
(audience laughs) Prime Now. Two hour delivery!
(audience laughs) Prime now. Give it to me. Now.
(audience laughs) When I press buy, put the item in my hand. (audience laughs)
(audience applauds) Now. In America, there should be no lag, zero lag,
(audience laughs) between when I press the button and when the item is
gently placed into my hand so I can use it. Now.
(audience laughs) Oh, same day delivery? (Ronnie yells)
(audience laughs) Un-American.
(audience laughs) Same day? (Ronnie retches)
(audience laughs) Now.
(audience laughs) Prime now. Break into my house
(audience laughs) and put the food I ordered in my mouth (audience laughs) and help me chew it. And then push it down my
esophagus with a stick and then pull the feces (audience laughs)
out of my anus for me. Now. It’s like, where do we go from here (audience laughs)
as a civilization? How much more convenience can we get? How much less energy can we use (audience laughs) to get what we want? Let’s get Prime before.
(audience laughs) Send it to me before I want it. (audience laughs) It’s 2019, I have to make a decision before you mail me what I buy? Use artificial intelligence (audience laughs) to substitute my own intelligence (audience laughs) so I can live my life. Send me everything I want before I want it in as many boxes as possible.
(audience laughs)

Stephen Childs

100 Comments

  1. I’ve never felt fatter and more American than the time I GrubHub’ed Taco Bell from across the street.

  2. I really want to like this guy, and I mean I do. But something about this special feels so manufactured. The applause and laughter was just too much for some set ups.

  3. Actually we have Instant Delivery services where we can get our package within 3 hours

  4. They actually have prime before already😂 when u subscribe to a item they automatically send it every month lol

  5. "Oesophagus"… one doesn't hear that word in jokes very often… how asian of him!!

  6. Not many people know this but before Netflix was a streaming service they were a dvd mail order service and they used to send you movies you might like based on your viewing history.

  7. This is not even funny, i dont know why they are even laughing, he is usually funny when he is on trevor Noah tv show

  8. I started laughing when I read the title 😆 before I even clicked on the video. Hahaha, Ronny Chieng, truthsayer.

  9. They already do that. It's called subscribe and save. They send you the product every month even if you don't order it.

  10. Seems Ronny hasn't been to China. You can have an apple delivered to your doorstep.

  11. i mean the joke was funny. the reason i disliked is because he repeated it for 3 minutes.

  12. Shit might be funny, but I domt trust Google or Amazon. These modafuckers already know. Google already know you wanna double check how to spell oesophagus before you send that tweet.

    Amazon already know you ran out of toilet paper. Shit Alexa be knowing your tv isnt load enough.

  13. It's amazing how just how many comedians are wayyyy funnier than Kevin Hart. How did we get this wrong? How did we let this happen where Kevin Hart is all over the place saying the most unfunny stuff, and people like this don't get that treatment.

  14. Amazon already has those easy buttons that are tied to one product. Running low on Tide or Kleenex or Dawn dish soap, just press your button and the order is placed.

  15. I know lardasses that would UberEats or StD fast food from a place that's a 15min walk away. That point in Wall-E is already here, and I say they all should be the lowest priority to ppl that go in person.

  16. As an American I had no idea how ridiculous our delivery obsession was getting till Ronny pointed it out!

  17. K̸͟͞y̸͟͞l̸͟͞e̸͟͞ D̸͟͞a̸͟͞v̸͟͞i̸͟͞d̸͟͞ R̸͟͞u̸͟͞r̸͟͞e̸͟͞y̸͟͞

    This dudes style and delivery is GOLD. 😂💀

  18. Jesus the guy has some funny jokes but the audience is laughing at every single word. Is this a special at his family reunion?

  19. This guy is a fucking gem and thank you YouTube algorithm for conveniently giving me this hilarious comic before I knew I needed to see more fro… wait a minute.

  20. As I began watching this, I got a spam text for “Amazon 2020 Resolutions” survey. How creepy is that?

  21. Prime team members must have collectively received the famous “?” email from Bezos by NOW.

  22. While I admit we Americans are blessed by Jesus for this, we should stop and pray thanks to Him for giving these blessings to us!

  23. At the start, when he said to "never leave your house. No item too trivial, no quantity too small…" I honestly thought this skit would be about package thieves. 😂😂😂

  24. Lol it's funny because I work for Amazon and people call in all the time mad that their item isn't qualified for same day shipping.

  25. AmazonBefore? With all these ads I get everyday like a mind reader…pretty sure they can do it.

  26. I laughed so hard because it’s true!! 🤣🤣🤣
    PRIME NOW!
    BREAK INTO MY HOUSE 😂

  27. " When I press buy, but the item in my hand now!"😂🤣😂🤣😂😂🤣

  28. America has weird jokes. Not even funny. I feel intimidated because of his voice expressions.

  29. He was hilarious at a fundraiser in New York for presidential candidate Andrew Yang!

    https://medium.com/@scott_99080/twelve-reasons-to-vote-for-andrew-yang-2e4464457719

  30. "Push the food down my esophagus with a stick", the stick also ordered from Amazon

  31. Man if and when teleportation exists.

    Imagine buying something online and *poff its their instantaneously.

    That would be fucking awesome.

  32. Didn't know the guy when Netflix broke into my house and put on the special.
    But it was worth it. Smart & funny, highly recommended for fans of, e.g., Lewis Black and Bill Burr.

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