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Nikki Glaser Wants Her Hookup To Watch Her Instagram Story | Netflix Is A Joke


– I’m such a whore. That’s why I want a boyfriend, can I be clear about this? I don’t want a boyfriend ’cause I wanna get married and settle down. I want a boyfriend so I can
feel safe being a whore again. That’s what I want. I really, just, I wanna guy to date me
for a couple of months so I can feel safe to get right out of my whore cage, a little bit. Then put back into one, ’cause that’s what I’m into. I really, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t casually hook up anymore. It hurts too much to hook up with a guy. I can’t stand it when you cum in my mouth and then you stop watching my
Instagram Story the next day. Why’d you drop off? You watched it before! What happened? Oh, is there anything more
pathetic the next day, when you’re trying to wait for that guy to watch your story again? And you post when you’re like, “Hey, guys!” but you’re really being like, “Hey, guy that I’m waiting to watch this!” and you like, touch your mouth to remind him where his
dick was hours before. You’re like, “Oh, hey.” And then you’re just
refreshing, waiting for him. And then your dad DM’s you like, “Killing’ in, Nick” and you’re just like, “Not now, dad!” He’s like, “What’d you
have for breakfast?” And I’m like, “Do you
really wanna know, dad?” An ounce of cum and a half a Kind Bar. Okay that was exactly, A Kind bar and a mean low dad. What flavor? Mixed nuts, what else dad? I’m just… I just want to be a whore. I really do. I am such a whore. But outside of a relationship, I don’t feel safe being a whore. I really don’t. And and for a while it’s like Oh maybe if I don’t have sex, maybe if I don’t sperm in my puss, I won’t get attached. Maybe if I just blow guys. So I was blowing guys and
that safe either girls. There’s something about their dick. It’s like closer to
your heart or something. It’s just, it… I go crazy. Hand jobs, hand jobs are
all I have to get a guy off. No thank you. I am terrible at hand jobs. I’m bad at hand jobs and guitar. I know that about myself. I have bad rhythm, it’s… I want to be good at guitar so bad. I’ve taken so many lessons. And every guitar lesson has gone like every hand job I have ever given. It really has. I’m like in a guy’s studio apartment doing a strumming pattern. I feel like I’m doing a good job. And then he eventually, he’s
like let’s do it together. I’m like okay. And we’re doing it together. I’m like, all right, we’re jamming. And then he’s like, why
don’t you just watch me? And I’m like okay I’m out. I don’t care. I’m not good at this so I’m going to wait for
my mom to pick me up. And then he cums on me. Cause that’s how I use to
pay for my guitar lessons. I mean, that was before Venmo. It was a different time.

Stephen Childs

100 Comments

  1. I don't know if her stories are real, but she seems to have made quite a career for herself out of being funny, attractive and talking about sex a lot 😁

  2. She's talking casually about having cum in her mouth🤢🤢. Her kids will get savagely bullied in school.

  3. Why do some dudes get bothered by women who act whorish? Is it a mommy issue? Is it because she doesn't act "lady like"…fucking boomers.

  4. Funny stuff…but actually the entertainer's life can be pretty vacuous after the applause. Nikki actually does want a BF…someone to sound off on, take her home…Even if all he says is one word responses due to late hr:)

  5. Am I the only one who thought she was a porn star that does part time standup?

  6. Jesus Christ at this point she is better off doing porn ! Every video of this woman is about sex and I can’t believe someone could replace Amy Schumer in that category but here she is

  7. I saw her in an extended interview (I think w/Papa), and she's in recovery from alcohol so it's still pretty raw for her. Been there. Almost impossible to have emotionally safe sex when you're used to that crutch.

    Unfortunately, being publicly slutty doesn't help cuz only the lowest quality guys are attracted… and the cycle continues.

    Basically, we're watching her work out her wounds. Not bad if one can make money instead of forking it over to some shrink.

    @135 was kinda sad for me bc she's got it exactly backward. Being a whore in relationship, unless it's been a looooong while, is the danger. Sex with strangers is easy. She's attracting ppl for her novelty and fun, and being used again and again and again. 😔

  8. She is christ kinda getting me turned on. Never had a whore but a self hating Swej blowing me then buggaring off. She knows what she is and is upfront about it. Sign me up!

  9. Wow Nikki Glaser with sex jokes! So funny, she literally only talks about her made up sex life and it's hilarious!!! She's a star 10/10

  10. She talks about sex like a guy. No guy wants to date a chick who acts like a guy

  11. There are two things I'm not good at life and guitar is one of the two…. lol.

  12. 🤤
    Mission 2020 . . .

    Get my gf to watch this whamen and become her number 1 fan.
    😁

  13. I dig the bolt on her dress – she's also kinda funny but yeah, the sex jokes are getting played out I suppose

  14. I guess the #metoo klan thinks this is a awesome way for a woman to get repect by going straight to the generic i have zero talents so I'll talk about being a whore

  15. She's more than likely the female version the guy with a flashy sports car, and deep pockets, having to make up for inadequacies, and short comings.

  16. Well, good luck with the all sex monologue, I’m sure that won’t get old.

  17. This is fucking disgusting. It's not even funny, it's just fucking gross. What a pig of a woman.

  18. WHY… WHY, it this one trick Pony, Not Funny, Amy Shumer Humor, "I'm funny cuz I'm a whore." Why is she even funny?

  19. Joe rogan literally said noone watches people instagram stories especially a womens🤦🏽‍♂️

  20. She is so nasty.
    How she thinks anyone could want to be with her.
    "My vagina stinks"
    I'm funny!
    She is really unattractive.

  21. I find it really interesting that people here are commenting on her act the way they are. I'm not sure most people understand how hard it is to actually write and perform stand up. To get 10 GOOD minutes you have to start with about 1-2 hours of material. Tell and retell the jokes. Rewrite and refine. Work on the timing etc etc. If 75% of the audience finds it amusing then you have a joke you can keep. It's not easy work….then you have to deal with club owners who promise and don't deliver….tell you things like "I'll get you next time"….then never book you again. Being in the entertainment industry is not an easy gig. If you can make a living in it then you're a winner. All the people making negative comments don't have a clue as to how hard it is to make it…. ESPECIALLY if you happen to be female.

  22. I love how guys here comment like you actually have a shot at hooking up with her lol. They diss her but really wished they actually had someone like her. I know I would, way more fun that way

  23. Someone should probably tell her that there's actually more to life than sex

  24. She will never find the man she so desperately wants unless she stops openly obsessing about it all over the internet. It's a huge turn off to anyone and everyone. And she wonders why her crushes stop watching her Instagram stories?!

  25. Wow how unique and interesting. This will surely prove people wrong about their perceptions on women

  26. It was kind of funny, she made it even funnier cause she's kinda hot……..now she's just trashy, come up with some new material already.

  27. I mean she’s funny.. but she always talks about sex. There is other topics ya know?

  28. Oh I get the formula- a moderately attractive girl in a dress who swears and talks about BJ’s

  29. That dress, those legs! She's the very picture of femine elegance … then she opens her mouth:) Always very funny, though she does seem to do a lot of sexual content and is in danger (though not there yet) of becoming predictable.

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