♪ The Addams family ♪(PLAYING HARPSICHORD) (ALARM SOUNDING) The mail’s in. Never mind,
Lurch, I’ll get it. My new carving knife. Nice knife.
Can I play autopsy with it? Well, darling,
autopsy’s a fine game. But this is for
carving works of art. (METALLIC CLINKING) Well, either I’ve got
tough hair or this knife
needs sharpening. There, darling, I think
it’s sharp enough now. Lovely, Morticia.
Querida mia.Hurry up, Gomez. Are you getting tired,
Uncle Fester? No, I like to pose.
It’s so artistic. Good. I want to get
the inner you. Not with that. Well,
that’s just for carving. That’s what I’m afraid of. (LAUGHS) Not for carving you,
for carving your likeness. Oh. Now, let’s see a little more
of the Addams character. Now we’re getting somewhere. Mmm-hmm. Uh-huh. Yes. Now, a little more
to the right. (CREAKING) More. (CREAKING) Keep going. Excellent. Are you sure
you’re getting enough
of my personality? Try it in reverse. (CREAKING) Back up a little. Keep going. Perfect. Yes, but are you sure
you’re getting the real me? You’re right.
Let’s have the real,
the true, the unadorned you. Beautiful. And now for immortality. Don’t move, don’t look,
don’t even breathe. Don’t worry, I’ll… Don’t! That’s it. Hold it. By Jove,
I think I’ve done it. Why, Gomez,
you’re the Michelangelo
of Halloween pumpkins. How do you like it so far? Darling, you have
the soul of an artist
and the touch of a surgeon. Halloween always inspires me. Are you looking
forward to the guests who might come in tonight
for trick-or-treat? Oh, yes. And the children are
so excited about going out. Good. I’d better see to
the punch and cookies. Always the perfect hostess. GOMEZ: Give us the smile. Ah, Lurch, I see
you have the bowl ready. Yes, Mrs. Addams. I think I’ll start the punch
and let it mellow for a while. You may fix the sandwiches,
Lurch. Very good, Mrs. Addams. Hmm, divine. Thank you, Thing. Gomez! Morticia! Yes? Wednesday and Pugsley
are all dressed up
for trick-or-treat. Well, bring them down,
bring them down. (POLICE SIREN WAILING) Hear the siren? That’s a police siren. Oh, great,
the tank’s dry as a bone. Listen, next time we pull
a stickup will you get gas? All right, all right,
I forgot. Yeah, and you dropped
your gun in the getaway. Boy, this sure
ain’t your night. Come on,
let’s get out of here
before the cops spot us. And I’ll take the loot. I don’t want you
to forget it. I know,
you’re always mad, Marty. (SIREN WAILING) Hey, the whole area’s
heating up. We’ve gotta take
cover someplace. (WHISPERS) In there,
quiet, behind that tree. Okay. Hey, hey. I could’ve sworn
that gate was closed. Man, you’re beginning
to give me the creeps. Come on. What’s the idea? Why’d you slam it so hard? I was gonna ask you
the same thing. How do we look? Mama, these are far too… I agree, Gomez,
they’re much too startling. They’ll scare
the wits out of people. Yes. When you knock
on neighbors’ doors,
you’d better say, “Do not be alarmed.
We are only little children.” PUGSLEY: Can we go now? As soon as your father
finishes the jack-o’-lantern. Ah. How do you like it? Thinks it looks
like Uncle Fester? Better! Good eye. A true Addams. This joint
gives me the willies. Will you get off it?
It’s probably the house of
some sweet little old lady. Now, children,
are we ready for
trick-or-treat? We’re ready, Father. Yeah, let’s go. Fine. Now, these are to hold
all the goodies you’ll get. I’ve got mine. All right, Mama,
our little goblins on their Halloween rounds. (DOOR OPENING) There’s somebody coming,
Marty. (WHISPERS) Yeah, I hear. Will you put the mask away? I don’t want them
to recognize us. Look, Father,
we have visitors. WEDNESDAY:
That man has a mask. They must be
trick-or-treating. Yes, yes, of course. Don’t come any closer. Mama, you must be right. Better make your speech,
children. Do not be alarmed. Do not be alarmed. We are only little children. We are only little children. We’re on our way
to play trick-or-treat, too. Yeah, we’re out
for Halloween, too. (THUNDER RUMBLING) A perfect night
for Halloween. You must come in
and celebrate with us. Uh, sorry,
we got other plans. (POLICE SIREN WAILING) Um, on second thought,
we’ll, we’ll take you up
on that offer. Splendid. Mama, I’ll leave the children
in your capable hands. Don’t keep them out too late. Just long enough
to fill up our bags. Goodbye, Father. Morticia,
our first guests have arrived. This is my wife.
Morticia, this is… How ridiculous! I forgot to ask your names. Look, Mac,
if you’re thinking
you’re going to be… I’m Marty and he’s Claude. Welcome to our home. Hey, that’s quite an outfit
you got on, lady. Thank you.
I always wear this one
for Halloween. Looks real good
for Halloween. We always try to get our home
in the Halloween mood, too. Yeah, you sure do. I heard voices, Gomez. Who is it?
Do we have guests? Indeed we have, Uncle Fester. This is Marty and Claude. Pleased to meet you. You…You folks sure
don’t hold back on Halloween. It’s our favorite holiday. And this is our butler,
Lurch. Pal, you top ’em all. Oh, yes, Lurch is tops. Most efficient, too. I forgot to
light the pumpkin. It looks just like me.
Excuse me. Gentlemen, come over here
and I’ll give you a treat. Open your bag. Oh, don’t start
getting cute, mister. Now, now, there’s nothing
to be ashamed of. I think it’s rather
heartwarming that adults get in
the Halloween spirit. Yeah, but just the same,
I ain’t… I told you he was efficient. Excuse me, Lurch. Why, you dirty… Take it easy, Marty.
Let’s see what happens. (EXCLAIMING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) It’s full of money. Okay, pal, you had your look. Now just hand it over. Morticia, our neighbors
have given these gentlemen hundreds of dollars
in trick-or-treat. Makes one proud to live
in such a neighborhood. And I was going
to give you apples. My apologies, gentlemen. There, that’s better.
Happy Halloween. Uh, would you
excuse us a minute? Of course.
Go right ahead, gentlemen. (WHISPERING)
Did you see what I saw? Yeah, a drawer full of loot. Yeah, and the mask
the big guy’s got on. We ought to wear
something like that
the next time we pull a job. I’m gonna find out
where he got it. Uh, friend,
we’ve been admiring the mask. Mind telling us
where it come from? It is mine. Yeah, I know,
but where did… He’s for real. (LAUGHING) They’re all for real. Must you go? We better, we better. Just when things were
beginning to perk up. Can’t you stay a bit longer? Uh, not this season, lady. (POLICE SIREN WAILING) Well, since you
treated us so nice, I guess we’ll stick
around for a while. Capital! We’ll celebrate in
the old tradition. I’ll see to the punch. I shall help you, my dear. Oh. Fester, get the Halloween
poems from the library. Lurch, you get the tub ready
for the bobbing game. You gentlemen
make yourselves at home. The cops sounded like
they were right outside. Yeah, guess we better
stay put for a while. And as long as we gotta stay, we may as well
make the most of it. Okay. I’m kind of hungry. Not the food, stupid. You saw that drawer
full of money. They probably got
a lot of jewelry, too. We’ll clean them out,
and then we’ll scram when the coast is clear. I’m with you, pal. I do think our guests
are charming, don’t you? Yes, especially
the one with the scar. He reminds me
of Rupert Styx. (GROANS) He has the same beautiful,
beady eyes. I thought we’d agreed,
Morticia, never to mention the name
of Rupert Styx again. Gomez, darling,
you’re not still jealous? You were engaged to him. Oh, well, I was just
a silly young girl then. I was fascinated
by his long fingernails and the way his lip
curled when he smiled. He was a handsome devil. Morticia,
please never mention
his name again. I promise,bubele.Querida mia.When we’re together, darling,
every night is Halloween. Ah, the punch is ready. (WHISPERS) It’s locked.
We gotta get a key. We may have to
rough ’em up a little. Yeah, well,
that’s my department. You just watch. It’s a good thing one of us
is all there tonight. Hey. Here they come. We take ’em. Okay, folks,
this is a stickup. MORTICIA: I’m so sorry
the children aren’t here. They’d be so amused. Let’s not rush the food. The punch is ready
but first Gomez will read us
a Halloween poem. Here’s the poem, Gomez. Thank you, Uncle Fester. It’s our favorite. No Halloween would seem
quite complete without it. Won’t you gentlemen
please be seated? (WHISPERS) Poem?
We’d be better off in jail. Shut up! I’ll fix the lights. It’ll put us in
the proper mood. FESTER: Lurch!
To the harpsichord. (SCRAPING) (PLAYING HARPSICHORD) “It was Halloween evening
and through the abode “Not a creature was stirring,
not even a toad “Jack-o’-lanterns are hung
on the gallows with care MORTICIA:
“To guide sister witch
as she flies through the air” Drawn by eight
beautiful bats. GOMEZ:
“And she calls out to them “Come Flitter, come Flutter
Come Flapper and Flyer “Come Chitter, come Chatter,
Come Vicious Vampire” Oh, excuse me. Is something wrong? Good heavens! What in the world
brought that on? It’s obvious.
They just don’t like poetry. Ah, gentlemen, I’m so glad
you decided to stay. You are staying, aren’t you? Uh, if you say so. We, we, we like you folks. Wonderful.
Now we’ll have some real fun. Yes, we’re going to play
Halloween game. Game? Yes, a bobbing game. Please, if you don’t mind,
we’ll just sit here quiet
for a while and then scram. No, you must play. Okay, okay, if you say so. Sure. We used to play the game.
Marty, you remember. Oh, yeah, that’s where
everybody kneels around a tub
and bobs for the apples. Apples? Apples? Well, what do you bob for? Look, Marty. We call it
bobbing for the crab. A real challenge. Yeah, but that crab’s alive. And full of snap, too. That’s the challenge. GOMEZ: Great sport. I’ll go first. Uncle Fester, no. That honor
belongs to our guests. Oh, no, no, no, no.
You go ahead, pal. No, I was rude. Oh, we like rudeness. Please, we insist. After you, Claude. No, be my guest. (FOGHORN SOUNDING) I’ll get it.
It’s probably some more
trick-or-treaters. Darling, ask them in. I just love Halloween. Well, now, those are
interesting costumes. These are not costumes.
We’re police officers. GOMEZ: Oh, well, come in. Just checking
the neighborhood. Everything all right here? Oh, yes, fine. We’re just getting into
the Halloween spirit.
Care to join us? (WATER BUBBLING) Uh, no, thanks,
we’re on a manhunt. Nice night for it. You won, you won. Both won.Ole, ole.Please get it off. Get it off! (GRUNTING) Isn’t that
absolutely amazing? Would you like
to try it again? Try it again?
I’d rather wrestle a lion. Would you? Wonderful. MORTICIA: Kitty?
Here Kitty, Kitty. (GROWLING) No! No! (YELPING) Poor Kitty.
Just terrified of people. Well, it’s my turn now. (WATER BUBBLING) Cops or no cops,
we’d better blow
before we get killed. But it bugs me to leave
all that loot in the drawer. They wanna play games,
we’ll play ’em a game. A game that’ll
get us the loot. Look, money isn’t everything. It’s enough. Hey, folks.
Claude and I got a game
we wanna play. It’s called hide-and-seek. Hide-and-seek? (GROANING) Sounds rather mild
bobbing for crabs. Uh, it’ll fool you. Goody. Let’s try it. I’m not having
much luck down here. Well, Claude and I’ll be
“it,” see, and everybody else
scrams and hides. Then what happens? We find you. Yes? Then we hide. And you find us. Yes? That’s it. Excuse us for a moment. (WHISPERING) My dear, I think
we made a terrible mistake inviting those two men in. You do? Hide-and-seek? Well, I’ll admit it
is a bit eccentric. And they are rather strange. But, after all,
they’re guests in our home. You’re right.
Addams hospitality. You’re ready? Ready. Okay, now everybody hides
and we’ll count to ten. MARTY: Pal, we’re ready. Goody. I love games. You, too. (GROANING) Okay, here we go. One, two, three, four, five, six… Knock it off.
Get the drawer open. Hurry up! Okay, okay. Oh, boy. I can’t wait to
get out that door. Okay. Come on. Okay. This loot will pay us back
for all the trouble
we went through. It’s locked! Now what? Break the window. Did you, did you, did you… Let’s get out of here! They’re not seeking very hard. Strange game. They must want us to win. Very sporting. Now, two of them went in there
and the big guy’s back there. (MUFFLED SCREAMING) This way. (GROANING) Let’s go. What’s the matter with them? Well, they ask us to hide
and then they just run off. Couple of oddballs. They’ll be all right. Look. Those nice policemen
are helping them
into their squad car. Probably going to
give them a lift home. (POLICE SIREN WAILING) Darling,
did you pay your dues
to the Zen-Yogi society? My dear,
I’m a paid-up member. This is their latest position. Oh. Are you comfortable? Don’t I look it? Of course. Is there anything new
in the paper tonight? Oh, nothing much. A revolution
in South America, a war in Asia, a flood… Oh, here’s something. It says our friends,
Marty and Claude,
were sent up the river. Good. They needed a vacation.