DOCTOR: As you know,
there are all kinds of burns. First degree, second degree, but you’ll find that
treating physical burns is only part of
what we do here. INTERN: You’re referring to
those cases where patients have lost the ability to burn.
DOCTOR: Exactly. It’s one of the most
fascinating aspects of our work. Take Young Simon here. How you feeling now?
SIMON: Good. DOCTOR: Up, up, up.
What do we say? SIMON: if you’re here, who’s
hijacking Tom Hanks’ boat? DOCTOR: Oh, nice burn, son. NURSE: Code red!
Code red! DOCTOR: Gimme the rundown. NURSE: 23-year-old male.
His burns are worse than ever. DOCTOR: Any “yo mama” jokes?
PATIENT: [moans] NURSE: Only “your mother”
compliments. DOCTOR: Anything else? NURSE: Doctor, I told him about
my foreskin and butt hair. He knows they touch. DOCTOR: And I presume
he roasted you? NURSE: He wants to draw me. DOCTOR: My God. My junior high yearbook. Hey, stay with me. PATIENT: [mumbling] DOCTOR: Son, look at this photo. What do you see? PATIENT: I see the potential for a beautiful smile. DOCTOR: God, it’s like he
didn’t even see the headgear. Hey, stay with me.
Stay with me. I’m thinking of growing
a chin strap beard. Come on, burn me. PATIENT: It would really
frame your face nicely. [machine beeping]
INTERN: We’re losing him. DOCTOR: Nurse, get me
my brown shoes, stat. PATIENT: [moaning] DOCTOR: Thank you.
[machine beeping] DOCTOR: I have one
question for you. What are these? What are these?
PATIENT: [coughs] Boy, you better get out
of here with those shoes. DOCTOR: Yes.
PATIENT: Those musty ass… NURSE & INTERN: [gasps]
PATIENT: Brown as shit… DOCTOR: Yes. PATIENT: Loaf of bread
looking loafers. DOCTOR: Good! PATIENT: Those look
like some orthopaedic 70-year-old
retired father shoes. INTERN: His pulse
is 120 over asshole. PATIENT: Some officer,
he did it looking shoes. INTERN: Medically speaking.
he’s getting mean. PATIENT: You look
like you only have sex in the missionary position
and think paprika tastes spicy. SIMON: Damn.
PATIENT: Oh, I ain’t finished. I ain’t finished.
Uh-uh. You ain’t ready for this.
[chuckles] Here we go. Yeah. His forehead is so big… NURSE & INTERN: How big is it? PATIENT: I can’t tell whether
his hairline is receding or his full head has succeeded.
Ha-ha-yah! Goddamn, this guy’s
head got a 4-1-K. INTERN: Excellent.
How promising. PATIENT: This daddy long leg
lookin’ fool, looking like you probably
came out of the mind of Guillermo Del Toro. Talking about the shape of
Doctor over here, ha-ha! Except no one loves
this fishy bitch, hey! I’m out! I’m back.
He ugly. INTERN: Doctor, you did it! You saved him. DOCTOR: Yes,
I really saved the day. SIMON: Doctor, you look
like a Somali Danny Glover. DOCTOR: Simon, read the room.