Hello? Yes tell me? It’s been three hours since the power cut when will it be back? Yes please call back I’m waiting. 6
What did he say? He’ll call when he knows something. Why don’t you check if the neighbors have electricity issues at their place. I checked. It’s not working for anybody. But it’s working a floor below. They have an inverter! I’m always asking you to buy it, but nobody listens People have survived without it back in the day. 20
Well, they did not have refrigerated water either. Give him some boiled water. Stop kidding. Then just buy an inverter. Your…glasses look different. The old ones broke so… bought airflex glasses on Lenskart. You’ll sit on it and break it again! It’s really flexible and quite lightweight with a one year warranty! You can spend on glasses… can’t you buy us an inverter? I could hardly see! I mistakenly almost romanced the maid thinking it’s you. You think we look the same? She was wearing your hand me downs! Well, don’t you know how I smell? What am I? A dog? These two won’t get it, uncle… please do something it’s so hot. Listen, so yesterday I was snacking with my friends The paper on which I ate had this ad on it. *Tablets for masculinity* Mix this in water and be wild in bed. Not this, the one before this. Tom Cruise travels. Three days, fours nights on a cruise ship with family. Beat the heat and enjoy the cool breeze with family. Let’s go! What? Yeah! Uncle! 60
Mom! What does it mean? You’ll be on a ship with your family. Cool breeze for 3 days and 4 nights. Three days and four nights? Where are the days for the nights? It means the night of the fourth day. Why are you even trying? Do this… start packing. We’re rally going? Oh yes! Let’s beat the heat! Yes! Or f*ck it! Where did you read it? On WhatsApp. Uncle, we’ll be on a cruise! I’ll put it up on FB. Going on a cruise trip with family. Feeling excited. With 69 others. Wanted to see a yatch since ‘Dil Dhadakanne Do’. It’s called a yatch. It’ll be fun, you’ll be at sea. Where? The sea. But then how will we use a washroom? There are facilities there! And the ocean is huge anyway so… So? We’ll have fun that’s all. Pls do that with the pants on. Titanic is the last I saw such a huge ship It will be just as big! I always wanted that Titanic pose with your brother-in-law. The one in the car? The one where you spread your arms! It’s not the age for us to stand near railings We’ll fall into the water if we slip. Saved from the heat forever! Ask Pachoddas, if he wants to come? His stomach was upset let me ask though… Let’s let him rest if we take him he’ll just keep pooping all the time. He’s sweet. Does not mean he will poop sugarcane juice. I’ll prepare whatever you all want to eat… Sister, give it up! You’ll get your own butler there. You don’t have to worry at all. He’ll make what you ask him to make. Then let me carry some boxes… I’ll pack some food to get back home. Nothing to worry about for a week. You can ask Kavita to come along. Yes uncle, pls ask aunty! But she can’t! She has no time for all this. Is she a judge at the High Court? Tell her I’m asking her to come. It’s a family trip after all, beat the heat! Yes! Or f*ck it! Stop repeating that! Should I start packing then? Totally! I’ll click such amazing pictures and videos. I’ll also put it up on FB and call it the Roaming House. What? Panchodas keeps putting up Wanderlust… I asked him what it means on WhatsApp Pls stop talking to him, he never tells you the right thing. He calls his metro ride home *Wanderlust*. *Deep shit* You take down these details and call the guy Snacking has its benefits. Is this Tom Cruise Travels? Yes, how can we help? Mr. Tom, we saw your ad in the papers. The one with three days and four nights. Dates will be flexible. Like my Lenskart. Pls tell me if you want any underwear. I mean…you’re Tom Cruise Travels, right? That business died out man. One of our cruise ship sank 3 years ago… It was a family of four… all 6 feet tall. Now they’re just 4 feet 5 inches. Why? Sharks ate their lower half. Then? Obviously we went to prison and got out just day before. Then the ad in the papers? That ad is three years old. Three years ago? But I was snacking just yesterday… So people won’t use old newspapers or what! Even I did not think of that. Don’t be upset, son… Why does this always happen to me? Whats the point of lamenting… when your own people who p** over your plans Well, we can go for a movie right? I dont’t want to! Then let’s watch the news on TV. We might learn something. The power is not back yet. And the media does not cover much more than people screaming at 9 PM. Whatever happened to civilised discussions? They all want the ICC glove Our army, our soldiers So very few news channels covered the air force plane that had gone missing. It received zero attention for a week! Why would they talk about the 13 who bravehearts who lost their lives? That won’t be good for TRPs. Come son. I’ll buy you ice cream. Please get some snacks too? They both are a little short tempered. Make some mango shake for me? *CRAZY, ANGRY SHREIK* This whole family is crazy.