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Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel – Nostalgia Critic


[NC]: Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don’t have to and welcome back again to Sequel Month. (toilet and fart sounds) Or in this case, Squeakquel Month? No! That is not the case. I will not give in to your rodent based puns, you unfunny bucket of toilet leavings! The Chipmunks are an… interesting franchise to say the least. That is to say, they’ve been around for years and nobody’s really thought that much about them until their movies. The chipmunk movies always pulled in a big amount every December when they were released. I guess people just saw them as an extra Christmas present in the same way your cat giving you a dead mouse is technically an extra Christmas present. Though in this case, I’d accept it. People started to get pissed because these movies would keep popping up, obviously having little to no effort thrown in, and yet still make enough money that their shit-obnoxious faces would show up all over the place! Well you know what? I’m sick of it. I’m sick of entertainment clearly not trying and somehow getting tons of rewards for it! So you know what? I’m gonna do the same thing. I’m gonna figure out the magic formula in today’s movie, and see how to get the same results. Because if THEY don’t have to try, I shouldn’t have to try! Something of value is finally gonna come out of these damn movies! I WILL BE REWARDED FOR MY SUFFERING! MY SOUL IS PREPARED! HOW’S YOURS!? …Let’s take a look. Okay, so it opens up with the chipmunks at a concert called “Save the Music.” …Trust me, if you want to save the music, The Chipmunks are not the band you want playing there…! * bark* [NC]: Even dogs seem to hate ’em! We then see their caretaker Dave, played again by Jason Lee, reprising his role as a pair o’ shredded vocal chords with a human being attached. [Dave]: You got to to share the spotlight! [Alvin]: Dave! [Dave]: Its not all about you! [NC]: *subtle laugh* Yeah. Where would Alvin get that idea in a band called “Alvin and the Chipmunks!?” You know for the longest time, I didn’t even know they were called Simon and Theodore – I thought they were called “And The” and “Chipmunks”! But please continue to keep him modest [Alvin]: I can’t hear you over the thousands of fans screaming my name [NC]: This does make me realize, though: bringing back characters from a previous installment often equals success… Well that’s what I’m gonna do. I’m going to bring back characters from the previous review! BRING IN THE “AWW” GIRLS! (explosion) (all three in unison) AAAAAWWWWWWWW!! [NC]: Come on in, ladies! If your awkward remembrance can help my fortune, all the better! (the girls laugh) [AWW Tamara]: You got it, Critic! [AWW Aiyanna]: Setting adorable letters to “iwwitating”! [AWW Heather]: Let’s do this! [NC]: So Dave is taken down by a clumsy cardboard cutout… — sounds like a metaphor for Lee’s career to me — …and he’s left out of most of the movie. …Okay! Off you go! [AWW Heather]: W-Wait, that’s… it? [NC]: Yeah! Apparently it’s better to remind people you exist and then totally terminate you from the project! [AWW Aiyanna]: But we barely did anything…! [NC]: …And that’s what’s gonna make us tons of money… -Now, off you go! Off you go! Out! Out, Out! Get out! Out out! To the couch of underused cameos! [AWW Aiyanna]: Hey… …Weren’t you in the Spy Kids 3D review? [Doesn’t Count]: Doesn’t count… [AWW Tamara]: I hear that… [NC]: Dave tells ’em that they’re gonna stay with their aunt Jackie [Jackie]: …its just me and my ganja…
*laugh track* [NC]: …Noo, not that one – though it would explain why shes seeing chipmunks. No, this character is similar to miss Miller From the cartoon… …though its not ms. Miller from the cartoon, because that means someone who made this movie would have had to actually WATCH the cartoon. [Jackie]: (…) have a hug first…?
[Alvin]: Get over here, ya ol’ teddy bear! [Simon]: …I’m not really much of a hugger. [NC]: That’s okay, that wasn’t really much of a joke… …But, okay, I’m catching on: aunt Jackie is going to be the new caretaker and there’s of course gonna be some comedic adjustments. …All right then, I introduce you to Granny Tammy! Say hi, Tammy!
[Tammy]: Hi, sonny! What’s cookin’?! [NC]: Oh ho hoo, granny Tammy! I can tell we’re gonna have a lot of quirky adventures together! …on to the next scene. [Jackie]: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa…
*braking sound, then crash* [NC]: Uhh, d- Oh-kay… *beep* *CRASH*
This is what the people wanna see, apparently! …Man, in literally five minutes, two of the caretakers who SHOULD have been major roles have been taken out! Well, at this rate everyone will be DEAD at the 25- minute mark! [Basil Fawlty]: Two dead, twenty-five to go! *laugh track* [NC]: …Instead we get her son Toby, played by Zachary Levy, who you may remember as Chuck, or Flynn from Tangled, …and here, where he plays his biggest role as the poor man’s Jimmy Fallon. [Levy]: I’m not gonna do like (in raspy voice): “I know everything, and… …you do this and you do that…!” …Like my dad. [NC]: …Okay, NOW I think I’m catching on. Bring in the “D’AWW” Girls! *smoke bomb*
(D’AWW girls in unison): D’AWWWWWW! [AWW Heather]: Wait a minute! Those are like the exact same characters! [NC]: Whaaaat? No they’re nooot! [AWW Aiyanna]: Yes they are! They look like us, SOUND like us, they even have the exact same characteristics. [AWW Tamara]: Yeah – you can’t even tell us apart! [NC]: No! It’s totally different, see: …they have shirts of countries with no names on ’em. …you know, those obscure shirts you saw all over the place…! [D’AWW Tamara]: Look, mine’s U.S.!
[D’AWW Heather]: Mine’s Canada! [D’AWW Aiyanna]: …And mine’s SO obscure it doesn’t even HAVE a country. [D’AWW Heather]: It’s an ironic statement. [AWW Tamara]: …Of what? [D’AWW Aiyanna]: That we… l-like…
irony? [NC]: I’m SO glad you see the brand new comedic possibilities of this. …Now, you three – into the studio…! [D’AWW Tamara]: Wait, what. [NC]: Yeah! You’re still barely in this. *all three try to protest at the same time* [NC]: INTO THE STUDIO! *cracks whip*
*girls yelp* *NC keeps cracking the whip and yelling, the girls keep making high-pitched noises* [NC]: …It’s so hard to make a family franchise…! …So they partake in all sorts of comedic gold. Like singing “Staying Alive”, except making it about… cheese balls… [Alvin]: ♪Well you can tell by the way I use my walk, I’m a cheese balls man, no time to talk…♪ *slaps table*
[NC]: …Because SOMEBODY finally saw the comedic possibilities in THAT! …And of course, the essential “slow-mo kicking pan to open cheese balls, …while holding high note for song about… cheese balls”. Oh, yeah – NOW that joke suddenly makes sense. …You know, I’m not gonna lie, I expected more out of the director of “Private Parts” and “The Brady Bunch Movie”… …but I also suspected less out of the same director of “Dr. Dolittle” and “John Tucker Must Die”. …So I guess it evens out! …But fear not, literally 42 SECONDS LATER they sing ANOTHER pointless rendition of a musical hit! [Alvin]: ♪You spin me right round,
[Chipmunks, in harmony]: ♪baby right round, like a record baby, right round round round♪ [NC]: Mhm. Yeah. Why don’t you just sing what it really is, guys? [NC, as 3 chipmunks]: ♪You’re a flimsy pretext for another rendition of a classic song gone wrong!♪ [Alvin]: Do you know what Dave would say if he were here right now? [Simon & Theodore] (laughing): ALLVIIIIIN! [NC]: …I think realistically he’s probably shouting “PAYCHEEEECK”… …Speaking of which, how you doin’ over there, Aww Girls? That’s the spirit. It also looks like Toby has a cat that he talked about earlier, …and look! A few scenes later, there he is! Okay, a cuddly pet side character! Always a big money-maker! I give you Mr. Yama the Llama! *Unseen crowd: AWWWW….*
[NC]: Let the hi-jinks ensue! *Toby’s cat hisses loudly*
[Toby, almost crying]: …I treated you good. *Car door slams*
*Another hiss* *click* *BANG*
[NC]: Yeah, I don’t follow it, I’m just doing what they’re doing! …But the film tries to punish you further by taking the ONE funny element from the last film – David Cross, …aand suck out anything that made him enjoyable. [Cross]: …I lost everything!
…And it’s all because of them…! I WILL get you, Chipmunks… [NC]: Again, I’m pretty sure that’s an exact quote from him from “Chip Wrecked”. But he’s not the only one who gets “chipped off” in this movie: the Chipettes enter the film, in their birthday suits… …How do these flicks not have censor bars….? Don’t you know the nineties gave cartoon animals private parts?! …But what sucks MOST is they got some really funny voice talent behind them: Amy Poehler, Anna Faris, and Christina Applegate! These are all very funny people who are given very unfunny things to do! [Brittany]: I’m Brittany, and this is my sister Eleanor. [Jeanette]: And I’m the sister Jeanette!
…Although I feel more like an Olivia… …Or sometimes a…-
[Brittany]: Anyway… we’re the Chipettes. [NC]: Ah ah ah aaaah! I haven’t seen such a wasted Anna Faris performance since… …Oookay, a lot…
But that “Keanu” cameo was pretty funny! What makes it even stranger is that they have almost the exact same voice as the Chipmunks! They’re, I dare even say… the exact same character! Just give ’em the Tumblr treatment! [Brittany]: Mr. Hawke?
[Cross (Hawke)]: That voice… I can’t get it outta my head! [NC]: This trope of course goes back a long ways of incorporating a gender-swap of a famous character, or characters. …And apparently, it still equals gold! …Well, they’re not the only ones who can exploit that- Chester! Doe! [Chester]: …Are you aware that there’s three strange ladies with confusing shirts in there…?
[NC]: Never mind all that. We are going to explore Doe’s backstory. [Doe]: Ooooh! That’s exciting! *giggles*
[Chester]: Finally the Bum Mythos will be revealed! [NC]: Oh waitwaitwait, lemme just see what they do with it in the movie… [Cross]: Tell me a lil’ somethin’ about yourselves.
[Brittany]: We grew up in a small town, population 300, a- [Cross]: Fascinating. Great. Impress me. [NC]: Yeah. Okay. I guess we don’t need to know your backstory.
[Chester & Doe]: Awww… [NC]: Come on, it’s like how Baze and the blind guy know each other in Rogue One! They work together! That means we immediately know everything about them! [Chester]: …I think that’s more how they MET each other rather than how they know each other…
[NC]: …Exact same thing. All we need now are some dance numbers – Go! [Doe]: …Oh… Uuuuummm…? [NC]: Nyehh, on second thought: the movie seems tired of that too, now it’s about Alvin and the Chipmunks trying to blend into high school. So um… go to school I guess while… performing some… musical… sequences. [Doe]: I guess going to dance school could kill two birds with one stone! [NC]: But be prepared to change your motivations on a whim! That’s what makes the big bucks. [Chester]: …Isn’t that more how it makes the little rodents…?
[NC]: …That’s good, keep making bad jokes like that! That apparently makes a lot of money too. [Chester]: Hoo! We got a lot more ‘a those!
*excitedly* Come on… Hoo hoo! [NC]: …So! Just as Cross is amazed that two trios of talking chipmunks came to him to start a music career… …and both of them seem to look and act identical to each other… …I mean like, STARS FUCKING ALIGN, that’s pretty amazing! …It’s abandoned to see how Alvin and the gang are getting along in high school. [Theodore]: Look what I can do! *Girls collectively “AWWW”*
[Blonde girl]: You are Theodorable! *giggle* *BANG!* [NC]: Oh, that’s right, I forgot this movie comes with a note… …You… might wanna see how Lin-Manuel Miranda is doing… But one of the jocks is jealous of their popularity. [Jock]: Girls, please… private conference. [NC, as girl]: We will of course obey, because… I don’t know. Chicks? [Jock]: You’re dead!
[Chipmunks]: Run! [NC]: They of course don’t get along, forcing the chipmunks to fight back. [Jock]: Little fatty!
[Theodore]: Stop it…! [Jock]: It tickles when I poke him!
*Alvin and Simon yell* *jock screaming in terror, clothes ripping*
[NC]: …Okay… Apart from driving this movie’s kill count to rival that of 2016… take a look at how they animate his face. [Jock]: Tickles when I poke him.
*YAAAAAAAA– [NC]: Good GOD! It look like the poster to the next film: “Chipceased”! This gets him a trip to the principal’s office. [Principal]: I should suspend all three of you.
[Alvin]: Please do. [NC]: …Okay. How unfocused does a film have to be when looking at a bobblehead made it into your script? [NC, as Chipmunks writer]: She says “I should suspend you”, he says “Please do”… Aw crap, I just wrote that into the script! (under breath) Eh what do I care, it’s Alvin and the Chipmunks… …But of course violence towards others is fine, as long as the principal is a fan of your work. [Principal]: I just cannot believe that you’re actually sitting. In. My. Office! I have all of your CDs… Promise me that you won’t say anything. If the faculty ever found out about this I’d… [NC]: …The higher-ups don’t take well to furry pedophiles… [Chipmunks]: WHAT!?
[NC]: I-I mean, just a fan, just a fan… So she tells ’em there’s a music competition where the winner gets 25.000 dollars that they can use to save their music program. …Because… I guess this is the plot now! Oh, never mind, we’re back to the blending in plot again! [Jock]: You’re next, furball!
*dodgeball noises* [Alvin]: …You talkin’ to me?
You talkin’ to me? I’m the only one here, so… you must be talkin’ to me! *Jocks chuckle like idiots from off-screen* [NC]: Really. We left a pause for that joke. *grunt*
[Alvin]: Oof! Ooh! Boo-yah!
[Jock]: …Dude’s got hands! We can definitely use him on the team. [NC]: Oh-kay, I guess THIS is the plot now! It looks like Alvin is trying to be a sports star, when– (Background Music): ♪I wanna go where love is…♪ [NC]: O-kay, I guess we’re back to THIS plot again! So the Chipettes are gonna compete against the Chipmunks, a– [Theodore]: …we didn’t have a family anymore…! [NC]: Oh wait, Theodore feels like the family’s falling apa- I guess THIS is the plot no- OH LOOK, Toby recognizes their teacher from when they were in high school and is in love! Really! We’re throwing this in too?! Okay, OKAY! I will play your goddamn game! Malcolm!
[Malcolm]: Yo…! [NC]: The D’aww Girls are suddenly in love with you!
[D’AWW Girls]: D’AWWWWW… *high pitched noises* [Malcolm]: …Why are they in love with ME? [NC]: You met in school!
[Malcolm]: Oh, now I know everything. [NC]: Aww Girls!
[AWW Girls]: (angrily) What!? [NC]: You have to score the winning touchdown in a football game! [AWW Tamara]: …Which one?
[NC]: ANY one! Chester! Doe! [Chester]: Forschnizzle?
[NC]: I need you to hate each other while also preparing for a dance competition! [Doe]: Whaat?
[NC]: True, it’s going against what you originally were but that doesn’t matter when money’s involved! GO! [Chester]: Uh-b- YOU! You are so pretty… A-a-and SMART! *NC sighs*
[Doe]: Y-and YOU! You are the handsomest man… in the WORLD… *Chester bawls loudly* [NC]: Why did THAT insult him?
[Doe]: …I usually say “in the universe”… *Chester keeps crying*
[NC]: Malcolm! You need to be angry now! Get revenge on somebody! [Malcolm]: Who?!
[NC]: I don’t care, anybody! *Hans Zimmer-style BWOM*
[Malcolm]: …Neil Patrick Harris. *D’Aww Girls gasp*
[D’AWW Heather]: HEY! We love Neil Patrick Harris! *slow-mo punching sound* *punching and kicking noises, girls yell angrily* *cell phone rings* [AWW Tamara]: Critic, what should I do with this ball from the team: “the four… nine… e-r-s?”
*stomping sounds* [NC]: Hey hey hey, enough of that, you need to settle your differences in a dance-off! [D’AWW Aiyanna]: All right… Riverdance!
*kicking sounds as Malcolm yelps in pain* [Chester]: Ooh! Did you say “dance-off”?
[NC]: No! We’re on to something different! [Chester] (disappointed): Ooh, but we got a perfect dance instructor…! *Techno song plays* [NC]: No no no, you need to now be injured and out of half of the movie! [AWW Tamara]: …Umm, I think we’d be better at that.
*more stomping* [NC]: You’re in charge of finding a cat to almost never talk about!
[Doe]: I had a cat once! …It was 10 years ago…-
[NC]: That’s way too much attention- more vague! MORE VAGUE! [Vader]: I find your lack of vague disturbing. *punching and kicking noises continue*
[Malcolm]: CALL 911…! [NC]: Okay! I think we’re good. We have about 5 to 10 cliched plots to confuse people into thinking we know what we’re doing. Now. Off to your bunches of stories. [Vader]: Oh. Are you sure I can’t be somebody’s father…?
[NC]: BEAT IT! [Vader]: …With pleasure.
*techno music* ♪Beat iit… Beat iiiiit…♪ [NC]: This had better be a big hit…
[Vader]: It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve obliterated these rodents. [Nostalgia Critic Theme] [Nostalgia Critic Theme] [NC]: So the Chipettes are teamed against the chipmunks in a school competition. … You have the only other singing chipmunks in the WORLD, ass-face, and you’re putting them in a school competition? WHAT THE FU– …and the school agrees that there will be a big competition to see which one they send to the… …uh …competition. this creates friction with Alvin, who doesn’t want to perform, but instead wants to play football. This looks like a job for a dutch oven joke…! *loud fart* [Theodore]: …Dutch oven…! Not the Dutch oven! …ooh… anything but the Dutch oven! Must… find… fresh air before it’s… too late! [NC]: It’s sad in a Chipmunks movie, when I have to make the very real argument: at least they didn’t eat shit…! *phone rings*
[Toby]: Hello? [Dave]: Toby?
[NC, as Dave]: This is my contractually obligated cameooo! [Toby]: All good here, come home soon bye! [NC]: But that doesn’t seem to help things, as Alvin gets WAY too into his game. [Alvin]: I’m gonna crack you like an acorn and eat you for dinner! …With some fava beans and a niice Chianti! *slurping noises* [NC]: …You’re right, movie. More kids DO need to see “Silence of the Lambs”. *Ta-da*
He wins on “Air Bud” logic, but sadly that means he misses the competition. [Principal]: And now… let’s hear it for a group… that will rock you like a hurricane. [NC]: …She’s gonna make the front page of the news someday, and not in a good way… [Principal]: The Chipmunks!
[NC]: But they admit Alvin’s not there, and they can’t go on without him. Resulting in the Chipettes winning. *crowd boos*
[Principal]: (struggling not to cry) I realize how… devastated… you… chipmunk fans must be. [NC, as Principal]: I’ll have to carve “Alvin, why?” in the back of my skull until it makes it right…! [NC]: This causes Theodore to run away to the zoo, but (he) gets cornered by a bird. [Alvin]: Hey, birdie! Over here…!
*bird screeches* [NC]: Oooh, careful…! He might look down at you if you were actually there…! [Alvin]: Oh whoawhoawhoa, not literally!
[NC]: Oh, the suspense! Will he step forward as the trainer offers him a treat…!? *bird screeches, chipmunks shout in panic* [Toby]: Guys, that was huge…! [NC]: Well, if by huge, you mean… …not huge. [Chipettes]: ♪If you like it then you should have put a ring on it…♪
[Cross]: Interested? Call Ian Hawke. [NC]: …But a talent agency was watching a random school video… …As agencies do… …And decide to give the Chipettes a chance of a lifetime. [Cross]: Guess who’s opening up for Britney Spears at the Staples Center tonight?
*Chipettes laugh and squeal in joy* [NC]: She’s at a crazy enough point where singing chipmunks can open for her. [Jeanette]: We’ll miss the school contest!
[Cross]: (It was) never about that school contest! [NC]: …A contest so stupid I knew an AGENCY WOULD BE WATCHING IT! He wants to split the girls up, though, and when they refuse, he takes matters into his own hands. [Cross]: Okay! *clap* Who likes barbecue?
[Chipettes]: …Uhhh… barbecue…? [Cross]: …Because, I know this awesome little barbecue restaurant in the valley that makes the best roasted chipmunk… *Loud SNIFF* [NC]: …Korean place? …I don’t know what’s funnier: the fact that roasted chipmunk would be the happy ending, or the fact that this is still a better girl rock-and-roll story than “Jem”! …If someone was barbecued in THAT, though, it would be a better movie. The school competition goes on, though, with their opening act, that… …honestly should win…! …I know talking chipmunks are amazing, but when you look past that, these guys really are better. …But Alvin and the gang find out about the Chipettes and try to save them. …Except in the first film, when the chipmunks were in a cage, and they skipped the lame pointless climax… …this time we GET the lame pointless climax! Ohh, y ip- fucking pee. [Alvin]: IAN! In the words of the Donald: “You’re fired!” [NC]:…Yes…! THOSE will be the most memorable words that we ever take away from “the Donald”. …I suppose when you think about it there’s-
*Twitter notification* How is he tweeting about me already!? I’m not even done with the joke! They say they can make it back to the school competition in time, with their good friend: Digger. [Alvin]: I’m gonna get a little help from my friend, Digger! [Digger]: Roger that, Alvin!
[Cross]: Look out!
[Digger]: WHOA! Feels like I’m back at the racetrack! [NC]: Don’t make me do it. Please, God – don’t make me do it. (sarcastically) WHO’S DIGGER…? “Digger is a character from NASCAR when shown on the Fox network”. How DARE you make me look up NASCAR, you MONSTERS! Cross chases ’em down with a toy helicopter, – because a toy NASCAR would have been too obvious…- …as they try to get the remote out of his hands. [Jeanette]: I’m going for it! Grab my ankles!
*slow-mo yell* [Jeanette]: I got it!
*gasp* …I got it…! [No idea which chipmunks say this]: Way to go, Jen!/ Nice work Jeanette!/ Good going Jen! [NC]: Because of course!!!! This was Jeanette’s story the whole time! How friggin’ obvious! …Here, I thought maybe… — Just MAYBE… …it was about… the concert, the football game, going to school, parenting, working together, egos, Toby’s girlfriend, jealousy, fitting in, family values or trusting your heart… But NO! It was about Jeanette conquering her fear of heights! Which has NEVER been brought up in the entire movie, until right. NOW. *bonk.* …So they get to the concert at the school and perform. [Principal]: I give you the Chipettes and the Chipmunks!
[NC, as chipmunk]: But we haven’t had any time to rehearse– okay. [Chipmunks perform “We Are Family”, obviously] [Announcer]: It’s clear that we have a winner…! [NC]: Uh *ahem* yeah, the judges haven’t voted yet–
[Announcer]: …Of the 25.000 dollars…! [NC]: Lotta money to give away, just… on the fly–
[Announcer]: And it’s WEST EASTMAN HIGH! [NC]: You know the uh… first act was technically a lot better a- okay, the chipmunks win. [Alvin]: We did it! [NC]: Creepy announcer, gladly give them to creepy principal! This seems very wrong! Meanwhile at the Stadium, despite the movie preetty much promising us Britney Spears, she never shows up in the film and instead, we get… this. [Cross] (in falsetto): ♪All the single ladies, all the single ladies… *crowd violently boos* …you wanna get married… and have a ring… put your riings on-♪ [NC]: Again, is this… REALLY that much different from how we’ve seen Britney before…? …I’m kinda shocked the audience could tell the difference. [Chris Crocker]: SHE’S A HUMAN!!! [NC]: Okay, 2007…! …So that was “the SUCK-quel”. It’s all over the place, not funny, boring, unimaginative… and has no focus. It’s stupid, it’s dumb, it’s… “Dum-pid”. (evilly) …And I just imitated it perfectly…! Practically line for line, I got the formula down! That means I’m gonna be making MILLIONS in a matter of seconds! All I have to do is count all the moolah I’m gonna make from this point on! And the turnout iiis…
*computer beeping and dramatic rising note* AVERAGE!!? W-w-w– What about being number one at the box office!? [Malcolm]: Uhh, Critic… None of the Chipmunk movies were ever number one at the box office. Ever. [NC]: WHAT!?
[D’AWW Tamara]: They did okay, because they rode on the success of other December movies. [D’AWW Aiyanna]: They’ve been the one family film clearly not trying to win any awards. [NC]: …But then why did so many people go and see it? [D’AWW Heather] (gradually rising in pitch): High pitched voices are CUUUUTE! [D’AWW Girls]: D’AWWWWWWWWWW!
[Malcolm]: Aw… [NC] (mockingly): So by THAT logic I can make a million, just by– [Hannibal Lecter] (sped and pitched up a lot): Quid pro quo, I tell you things, you tell me things. …Yes or no Clarice? [Clarice]: Go, doctor. [NC]: You know, the movie was right – more kids DO need to see this film… [Malcolm]: …And now they will because you put it in the kids’ section on Netflix! [Hannibal]: The significance of the moth is change… caterpillar into chrysalis… or pupa. *cell phone rings*
[NC]: That’ll be one of millions of angry parents! Your money’s already mine, I don’t care! I’m the Nostalgia Critic! I don’t get it, I just exploit it!
[D’AWW Tamara]: D’aww, it’s like Hannibal ate Fred…! [D’AWW Aiyanna]: …I smell a squeak-quel…!
[Hannibal]: …You use Evyan skin cream… but not today… [Nostalgia Critic Theme] [Alvin]: …with some fava beans and a niiice Chianti! *slurping* [Doug]: Hey, Doug Walker, doing the charity shout-out, and this week we are doing the American Red Cross. American Red Cross prevents human suffering in the face of emergencies by mobilizing the power of volunteers and the generosity of donors. Through its strong network, they’re always there in times of need, aspiring to turn compassion into action, they work so that all people affected by disaster around the world receive care, shelter, and hope. They make sure their communities are ready and prepared for disaster so everyone in that country has access to safe, life-saving blood and blood products. They also make sure that all members of our armed forces and their families find support and comfort whenever it’s needed. And that in emergencies, there’s always trained individuals nearby, ready to use their Red Cross skills to save lives. If you check out their site or their Youtube channel, you can see where both your financial or blood donation goes. You’ve probably heard this name dozens of times, and there’s a good reason: it’s a good, GOOD organization that does such incredible work. They help anyone and everyone in need. So definitely, take a look, and see how you can help, in their great cause.

Stephen Childs

100 Comments

  1. 20:32 Apparently This Movie Runs On Cheetah Girls Logic.😕

  2. These chipmunks are not cute. BUT TAMARA IN THAT COSTUME IS SO PWECIOUS! (The OG "AWW" girls outfit)

  3. 12:53 It`s just as well I love how the Critic is inspired to do an imagination position of the people involved based on the film he`s watching.

  4. warning warning you have reached your critical level you can criticize anything unless it's something good about movie

  5. I think people would like you more if you didn't go 😵 to my favourite movies

  6. 3:27–3:33
    This wasn't a joke, but a callback to a quote from the television series, Criminal Minds. Since Matthew Gray Gubler plays Simon (Alvin and the Chipmunks) & Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds), I think he decided to just say the line as an Easter Egg!

  7. you know whats crazy, I use to be obsessed with this film series, now i cant stand it

  8. the nostalgia critic….riffing an alvin and the chipmunks movie, for being cheap entertainment…..i am not sure if it's pure jealousy or absolute lack of moral standards, since, his show, is basically…..cheap. entertainment.

    yeah, lack of standards. this guy looked the other way about the sexual harrasment cases, so yeah….a colossal douche.

  9. 5:14
    AND THAT'S HOW EVERY WOMAN IN CHANNEL AWESOME WAS TREATED DAILY.
    yeah, youtube media reviewers, the best people ever.

  10. 17:50 no if everyone in that movie got barqued it would have been the best movie ever made.

  11. 20:05 I don't know why but the second you hit your head, it makes me break out in hysterics. There's something about the speed of it the way you do it and the sound it makes. A lot of reactions from you tend to be over exaggerated and hyper but that's for the sake of the persona, but this one was very simplistic and I think that's the reason why it made me laugh harder than anything else.

  12. This is the second time that I have watched this review, in less than a week. This is what my existence has reduced itself to. I have absolutely no life.

  13. Listen, Doug, how dare you make fun of, what is known as a cinematic masterpiece, visually and critically? There is not one human soul who dislikes this movie, and it seems you have broken through the prison bars to release this video. Because you did this, I will now be releasing 4 more squeakwals, 2 spin-offs (one starring just Dave), a straight to dvd prequel, and a cgi cartoon on Nickelodeon. Shit, the last one already exists. Also, did you just assume that 3 white women were funny? That’s the exact opposite of funny.

  14. 1:14 Wait, wait, WHAT?! I watched the movie a bunch of times and I do NOT remember that scene being in the movie. Was it in the original release of the film? Was it trailer material? Was it a deleted scene? Was it a scene that was originally supposed to be in the movie but was cut out and used as trailer material? Was it a scene that was supposed to be in the movie, and then initially cut out, but added at the last second THEN cut out again and used for "Now Playing in Theaters" stuff? Explain movie! Explain!

  15. 3:18 So what you’re trying to say is that this film is nothing like it’s source material? Good call.

  16. The first two characters that get injured is like another final destination

  17. I feel like someone said "Keep writing unfunny jokes" and NC went with it. To this day, the majority of his jokes are bad.

  18. Oh Nostalgia Critic you're one of my favorite YouTubers out there not just cuz of your movie reviews you're actually very funny also you keep being yourself

  19. The Donald Trump joke was the best joke of the entire episode (And by that I mean your joke)

  20. The ONLY good part of this shitty Ass Film is Zachary Levi, although he’s entertaining in anything he’s in, Good or Bad.

  21. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel is so bad it teaches kids to smash their elders with a safe.

  22. 7:53 that was a nod to Olivia, the Australian orphan from the Chipettes' flashbacks in the 1987 cartoon about their origins. Olivia recognized and appreciated their talent and kept them hidden from the greedy selfish owner of the orphanage, then sacrificed her own adoption to help them escape…

  23. Hard to believe Zachary Levi would have a MUCH better role 10 years after this flick.

  24. Their plan was to lure kids into the cinema by releasing the quadrilogy on similar dates to popular movies.

    Alvin and the Chipmunks – I Am Legend

    Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel – Sherlock Holmes

    Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chip Wrecked – The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

    Alvin and the Chipmunks: road Chip – Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

    It was only when The Force Awakens made A LOT MORE that their plan backfired.

  25. In the animated series, Theodore adopted a street kitten and named him Cookie Chomper III. One day the kitten got out and was hit by a car. The chipmunks go through a real grieving process and eventually realize they should cherish the time they had together, and then they go adopt a dog from the shelter. They have something like that in the animated series and these movies were really empty.

  26. The more I think about it the more I realize that there's a long row of insits

  27. So let me get this straight Zachary Levi, aka Shazam, was in this piece of poop.

  28. You know, when i first saw this movie i kinda just thaught of it as a very forgetable film that i NEVER watched again, but after seeing this review i honestly feel embarassed to have watched it in theaters😐

  29. Amazing video and when Simon attack the bully with that face it’s looks he want to murder him badly #tag chipmunks kills there fans lol 😂

  30. You can hear David Cross’s sheer apathy and exhaustion in his every line. You can tell the poor man is suffering.

  31. I think The Donald's most memorable words will be:

    "I was President of the United States twice."

  32. 19:10 did you not mention the "chinese" place in the background? and there riding a toy helicopter!
    Does this mean the chipmunks would have made this franchise so they could sell toys from China? 🇨🇳

  33. Hey, @ 7:32, there's an ad for the action show 24 on a billboard in the background! Comment "Jack Bauer" if you c it!

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